Kate

AVOID THE 90 - 10 TRAP
To me, this is one of the strangest habits that people get into. What’s more, it seems to afflict almost everybody. Once you see how crazy and illogical it is, however, I'm hoping that you too will see it as a trap.
The "90 - 10 trap" stems from an observation I've made (that has been verified by hundreds of people) that most of us tend to focus our attention, thinking, and conversations on the worst 10 percent of our lives. The 90 stands for 90 percent of what happens during our day, which is usually pretty good, and the 10 percent for the remaining 10 percent, which is usually problematic and filled with hassle.
I call it a trap because most people seem to focus on what's wrong with life instead of what is, generally, okay. Obviously, ever day is different and some days really are bad. But that way it typically plays out is this: Suppose, for illustration's sake, that you had ten things to do during the day. Nine of them go reasonably well. The other one doesn't. Which one do you think about that evening? Which one do you discuss with your parents, siblings, or friends? You get the idea.
Suppose, in addition, that you interact with ten people that day. Nine of them were pleasant and respectful, but the other one was a real Jerk! Rarely, when I've asked people about their day, has someone said, "You know, it was a pretty good day. Almost everyone was nice to me and friendly." Instead, a more typical answer might be, " There was this real jerk, and let me tell you what he did."
Let me assure you that I'm not making a case for not sharing the dramatic parts of you day or the hassles or problems. I'm also not suggesting that it's always necessary to focus in what's good and right with your life. That's going way to far. I'm suggesting that the 90 percent (or 80 or 70 or whatever the percentage happens to be) is also worthy of at least some attention.
It would be like looking at a beautiful painting and, instead of appreciating the beauty, focusing on the fact that you don't like the artist's signature. Again, I'm not saying you have to like the signature, but it might be a good idea to ask yourself why it is that you automatically focus on the one part you don’t like. If you focus more on what you like, you'll enjoy the painting far more than if you zero in on the poor signature. Likewise, you'll enjoy your life more and have a better experience if you focus a greater percentage of your attention on the parts that go well instead of the zeroing in on the problems and hassles.
The idea here is to simply become aware of the tendency and to notice when you're focusing too much on the negative. What sometimes happens when you apply this strategy is that you'll begin to realize that, while there are aspects of life that are hard and stressful, there are also many things to be grateful for. And when you notice those things - and think about them and talk about them - your life will seem better and a bit less stressful. It's easier to deal with the stress and hassles of life when you're also aware of what's right with your life.
Just for fun, the next time you talk to your parents or a friend, ask them to tell you about the best part of their day. Ask then if they had any good experiences or whether anyone was exceptionally kind, funny, or whatever. Ask them if they had a nice lunch or if they had any interesting ideas. You'll probably catch them off guard! On the other hand, you'll be helping them to experience the other part of life - the good part.
- Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, Richard Carlson


If you know me well, you have heard my theories on always being positive.... I mean how many people in this world have a theme of the day, an attitude theme that is. I do believe happiness will find everyone, someday. As long as we stay positive and remember to rely on God, and a smile goes a long way!! Forgiveness is possible and life does go on, just keep your head high and be the best you can be, others will notice. Always focus on the positive never dwell on the negative.

~*~ KATES INSIGHT FOR THE DAY ~*~

posted by Kate Patterson @ Monday, February 03, 2003